Department of Political Correctness unveils new euphemisms Obama Has Identity Stolen by Muslim Teenager Philae Lander finds discarded condom Apple Announces Female Egg Bank Cured Ebola Doc Sneezes at NYC Press Conference Republicans Will Discontinue Social Security and Use Money for Monuments to Republican Presidents Elite Colleges Add "Hoop-Jumping" to Admission Criteria Barrie and Vlad get down over flaming duck in Beijing restaurant Remembering The Fallen: General Dannatt falls flat on his fanny at Tower of London memorial I Invented Science Confesses Scamatology Founder Elron Hubtard in Just Revealed Documents Bill Gates Threatens World Domination New book outs Jackie O as George Bush Sr's secret ho DNA is a Secularist Conspiracy Dennis Rodman Brings Peace to the World Donald Trump Will Keep Donating Money to Science Until they Find a Way to Make Him Immortal Justin Bieber Attempts Suicide by Pelting the New York Jets with Eggs A second Loretta Lynch crawls out of the woodwork as Clinton/Whitewater throwback New Blockbuster Bond Movie Set to Break Records Cumming soon to a toy story near you